Taniasecret's Blog

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May 28, 2011 Posted by | Uncategorized | Leave a comment

May 28, 2011 Posted by | Uncategorized | Leave a comment

An Ultra Vision

When I open my eyes every day to what is happening and what is going on around me, to the same daily slow passing routine of going nowhere, doing nothing important, and hearing the same recurring daily question of: what should we do to fix everything?…I feel helpless…I feel hopeless…my gaze at nowhere never ends…I have no answer to others’ questions…the list of “if” sentences burden my shoulders so heavily that I feel, it can no longer hold my head on top… I lay my head back on the sofa…close my eyes…and wish that time stops there…at the same moment…ah..Dear God…I wish you hold me tight and tell me that it’s alright…or tell me somehow that You will put an end to the sufferings…or you will finally take my soul and let it rest in heavens in peace… God I wish those days… that I would never open my eyes again…I wish I would never be forced to see again all that pain and bewilderment in everybody’s’ eyes…of the uncertain tomorrow…or see their hopes crashed to the ground more day after day……..
And days go by…day after day…and nothing of that happens…those hopeless wishes of eternal peace I had the other day never comes true…then I start looking more closely…after all, what I have plenty of these days is free time… I take a distant position from where I’m standing… I check my problems as an outsider…it’s only then that I see My dearest, my love, my God…what greater gifts you are pouring into your humble servant’s life…you are keeping my mind busy with small,trivias issues that seem so large to me at the time…while you are polishing my soul with such delicacy that I can hardly feel or understand but the divine heat of that polishing act brings me so close to you…so close that I feel you like I never did before…it’s only then that I know what I really missed, was You, and…God… how much I missed you…and how much I need you…I feel I’m so blessed to be allowed to get close to you that much to feel the warmth of Your love again………..
And…I open my eyes…to the TV news that talks about all the miseries people have around the world…from hunger…wars…earthquakes….etc…I say thanks God we face less challenges…i feel strong again, the entire burden has disappeared from my shoulders…I can hold my head high again…the problem is still there but I see it differently now, I see it as a bless…and more confidently I say…don’t worry kids…for sure we will get out of this…we will pass this one too…Tomorrow is another day…

 

April 25, 2010 Posted by | self-help | Leave a comment

Life Train

When we think that we are on the express train heading to the bright future; that is of the most times we have to be careful before we get lost at the end of the road or step down from the train in the land of nowhere. The beautiful sceneries of the road can only be seen when we slow down and pay attention to all the tiny details, when we appreciate the magic of every spot we pass by, when we memories the impression each person or part of the road left behind, when we take the time to leave all our gadgets behind and step down at each station for few moments to clear our mind, watch the pace of the moving trains, take a rest, have a cup of coffee and socialize, make friends and leave some friends behind, load or unload excess baggage needed to travel at ease to the intended destination…
Then with the experience we gained in moments we spent at the station step up again in the moving train or even if necessary switch trains to be on the right path towards the future, but what so ever never stay in a station unless we sure there lies the bright future we were headed for .
Sometimes we get caught by the pace, we forget to observe, to see, enjoy, listen, or step down at a station to take a rest…and suddenly the train stops… That is when we astonishingly wonder why the train stopped…why so suddenly…it might seem to be for an engine repair, or it’s an unexpected break down, but in worst cases bumps into something and causes great damages that cannot be recovered…
And we fume and wonder why…we curse and blame…although this is not as we think a sudden unexpected event or tragedy, this is the way of life to force us to stop and pay attention, it’s not a hindrance as we think and get furious for and blame everyone, it’s life who is sending a message to slow down before you miss your station and true destination.
.

January 31, 2010 Posted by | Uncategorized | Leave a comment

What is Happiness

When I was 7, happiness was to get the best grades at school.
When I was 13, happiness meant to be the most popular girl in school, to be witty, brilliant and beautiful.
When I was 17, happiness meant to find the love my life.
When I got married, happiness was to stay in love for ever.
When I gave birth to my children, happiness became the reflection of joy in my kids’ eyes.
When I became the wife and the mother happiness meant to keep my family happy.
When I lost my husband, happiness was to be able to support my kids as a single mother.
When I enrolled for Masters, happiness was to be able to manage between my study, work and raising kids.
When I started my own business happiness meant to make my folks proud by my success.
When the global credit crisis happened, happiness meant to have the minimum loss.
When I lost everything, happiness meant to see my family around me.
When my family had to part to find a way to survive, happiness became a strange word to me.
And I said why? I asked God hundreds of times why me? I begged Him to bring me back my happiness.
And almost when I forgot what happiness was, my thoughts turned into words composing stories, poems, and articles, and happiness became the joy of discovering the new me, me as “a trying to be writer” me.
Suddenly, I thought how diverse and illusive the meaning of this word is, Happiness…how can a word mean so many things to me, and so many other things to others…then I came to know that what we all consider as happiness is not the real thing, happiness in ancient stories was always combined by ever after…so why none of what we think of as a integral component of being happy stays the same, or gives us the same thrilling feeling of joy for ever…why when we are asked about happiness we always relate it to accomplishing or getting something. Why nothing and no one can make us happy forever? Why we try so hard to feel happy? And why people who have what we wish for are not happy?
I need answers, I’m trying my best to find the right answers for all those questions, it took me years to know some of those answers, but I still need your opinions to conclude and finish this quest and publish my article, say your word if you want to be heard, after all it all counts.

December 10, 2009 Posted by | Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Refuge

My soul is shattered,
By what it knows and cannot apply
My heart is broken,
By the ones so close that cannot defy
My head is spinning,
With what they thought and what’s on my mind
Ow dearly God ,
Don’t you see my cries?
Don’t you hear my sighs?
Don’t you feel the ramping blood?
Flooding tears into my eyes
OW, OW, my dear God
reach out to my soul
heal out my wound
mend out my heart
and rest down my mind
ow, God, dear God
take me apart, and restore me back in one part
clear out my doubts
calm down my heart
bring back together all my missing parts
ow, my darling God
break me, shake me,
Burn me, melt me ,
And shape me back
Like an angel knight
Who takes by sword the ghosts of night
And brings back the light
To all dimming nights

November 17, 2009 Posted by | Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Gratefulness

The sun is down
My love is gone
My worries have ended
When you left the town
You were my sorrows
You were my hopes
You filled my world with untamed joys
You made me wonder
Why the sun rose
Why the wind blows
Why the sea flows
Why all deserts, garnished with red rose
You made me wonder?
Why the bird flies
Why my heart sighs
Why when you move around,
My blood rise,
To fill up my heart, with all butterflies
But the sun is down
And you left the town
My worries have ended, and all my whys.
Just left me silence
Silence and no whines
And,
All of a sudden, I burst in a cry
And my soul started all new whys
Why you were mine,
Why you left town,
Why you filled up my heart, with the red wine
You made me wonder
Why the come and goes
Why we all follow, what the wind blows
You made me shout
With all my heart
If you were the one
Then who is the One?
You rubbed me my life
You left me behind
You made me wonder, and ask all my whys.
And it was the One that heard my cries
That soothed my whines
That answered my whys
That filled up my heart
With a heavenly wine
Cleansed up my soul of toxic thrives
He became the One, my only one
You became someone that was no one
You led my heart, to love the One
The only One,
The only source of everyone
The love of the One
Who is forever, my Everyone.

November 14, 2009 Posted by | Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Parting Road

He was on his way
I was on my way
There was no fellow to show us the way
He was alone
I was alone
Both were trying to get us home
We were at the midst, of nowhere
We were driven, out of despair

It was dark, it was cold
There was no sound
In the haunted road

I said to myself
Why should go the road?
He said to himself
Why should go the road?
But the wind blow
And the night, strow

He said with fun as it was a game
Let’s get together and find the aim
I said with shame
Where is the aim, what is the game?
He said the life is the game with a tune of blame
I said with despair
Life is no game
Life is the aim
Getting together will cause a flame
A Flame that might live
Or burn us both, leaving no name
Life is no game
Life is the aim
To get home soon
Stop the, drain
Stop the, pain
Stop playing fool, when there is no game

Stay on the road
We all are owed
We should be stowed
With all the load
To reach the aim
To know the game

He just bowed his head with shame
He said no
I will let you go
Life, to me, not more than a game
I either lose, or collect the fame
You are alone
You are on your own

Hurt of the shame
For being the same
Without the game
I saw the light
I saw a beam

I took the road
Although I was slowed
But my heart glowed
With the beam of light
With my home on sight
I found my way
I found the ray

October 25, 2009 Posted by | Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Shadow of my Dream

I saw the shadow of my dream
It was so far, it was a beam
It was a fancy house at the park
With large windows open to stars
All my neighbors were fairly polite
And other people were strongly bind
There was the peace
There was a feast
And all the roses were at its peak
It was somewhere out of the world
Where all beauties, getting unfold
No existence was ever banned
Only the devil could never land
Was it above, was it below
I could never say, that is for sure
It was just, a big fancy world
With lots of stars cast on the globe
A world which had, no fear, or pain
Everyone was joyful and sane
He was there, they were there
There were all for fun and fair
He was the love
He was the hope
He was the center of all globe
I was devastated
I was stunned
I was mesmerized by all the fun
He was there
He was the love
He was the hope
He was the center of the globe
It was a shadow, only a dream
It was a hope, of eternal gleam

October 24, 2009 Posted by | Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Reason Talks

It was reason me and my heart
All three talking trying to be smart
Reason told us over that night
When life is over, and there is no light
your choices there then become alive
The judgment starts for all your strive
Was it good, was it right
Was it to ease people’s plight
Was it to be always forthright?
Or to renounce some people’s right
Was it evil, was it mal
Was all against moral
Was it a selfish man’s delight?
Did you help, or did you shun,
or did you make poor ones to run
Was it lust, was it desire
That made you fall in to that fire
What were your choices?
What were your hopes?
Tell me so I tell you where you will last
Was it to cherish an honest heart?
Or a selfish ego to get more smart
Was it to just, have all the lust?
Caring not at all, of rights get lost
Was it to pile all the cash at once?
Caring no more, who might get crushed?
What were your choices?
What were your hopes?
And the heart replied
All the love of world
And the ego said not enough at all
I need so more
I need it all
I want whatever my hands can hold
And the heart said
I need less much
I don’t have thrust, for what you lust
I just need to bust
A love I can trust
A love that would make
All my blood at once
Run dance in my veins
To bring me bunce
And the ego said,
Hahaha, haha
Hahaha, haha
When you have the must
The Cash you can trust
You will have the love
You will have the lust
You will have all that
You really thrust
Reason said no more
Heart knew it all
But the ego so smart
Try hardly to find, its own way out
Yet, when the light is gone
There is no fun
Only choices talk
For what you provoked
And the time is gone
The choice is done
Spare times are none
You are all done.

October 23, 2009 Posted by | Uncategorized | Leave a comment